This is when my numerous projects come into play. My grown daughter gets frustrated with me (quite frequently) because I am not more like her and uber-reactionary. She feels like nothing ever gets to me.
Those of you who know me well know that is most definitely not the case. She was upset because I didn’t “ooh and ahh” over a gift I had received at one point, but I am not “gift-oriented,” and I try to explain that to her. She is “gift-oriented,” and I am “time-oriented.” I know how valuable time is for people and when they give of their time for me then I am moved.
Now, it also depends on a lot of other aspects of my relationship with them. If I have hired them to do something for me, then I expect them to give of their time (I know, silly me.)
When my son, daughter, or their significant others come in to help me out with heavy work or their siblings, it means the world to me. They have their own households, work schedules, and friendships to maintain, so when they step up to help me out, it is at a sacrifice for them.
Don’t get me wrong, they like to help, but I don’t like to ask. What does get under my skin and irritates me endlessly is when I am promised or even offered something and it doesn’t come through in a time frame I am expecting. Sometimes, I think to ask, “So, when is this going to happen?”
Other times, I just take in the offer with the expectation that it will happen sooner than the “offerer” meant it. My delayed personal Christmas is agonizingly painful.
I know that life happens, but my inner child is feeling insignificant when people do not follow through in my time frame. I feel neglected and like I don’t matter. Then I steer clear of those people and I pretend it doesn’t matter in the least. They become “someone that I used to know,” because I can’t possibly explain my childish thinking.
I know they have their reasons, and life happens and I would forgive them only to be disappointed again by their human-ness. My self-preservation kicks in and I withdraw.
Now, aren’t you thankful I don’t speak my mind in person? There is a reason I am outwardly reserved.
Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Unchanging, and Eternal, God waits for each of us. The gift-giving of His Son for our sins has already happened (John 3:16, we know this one).
I am humbled by such a sacrifice. I can’t imagine being so humiliated for people who just didn’t care. Then I think on how God waits for each of us to acknowledge what He has done for us and accept it. Once that is accomplished, He waits for us to get around to seeking Him daily. We act like it is nothing sometimes.
Yet, every time we act like an independent 2-year-old with the “I do it myself” attitude, we are breaking His heart. He wants to be involved in the simplest to the deepest parts of our lives.
I have been walking around here for days saying, “God, you know how I am! Forgive me. I have significance because of You. I am relevant because of You. I matter because of You. I am here at this point because You have a master plan for my life. Thank You for whatever lies ahead.”
And I don’t think poorly of myself, I just expect people to honor their word (within my time frame and I know they have no idea what they have done or not done!)
God knows, too, that we are ignorant of how often and how deeply we hurt Him.
Then I am reminded of Luke 23:34, “Then Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.’ ”
Forgive me for thinking this is all about me. Help me look past me and find the joy in You, God, and shake off the childish behavior. Thank You again, Alpha and Omega, for loving me as I am.