When the Lord spoke to Noah, “In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people and two of each living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark.”
Noah replied “I’m your man” with some fear and doubt.
A few months passed and Noah realized all the “red tape” involved in building an ark. First of all, the Lord’s plans did not meet the current builder’s permit code, so I had to hire some engineers to redo the plans.
Secondly my neighbor objected claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planned board.
A huge problem was getting enough wood because there is a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. The environmentalists and Fish and Wildlife were very insistent on saving the owl.
As I started to gather up the animals, I got sued by the animal rights group who objected to only taking two of each group.
Then the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filling out an environment impact study especially if the flood is to cover the whole world. Additionally they insisted that everyone must get flood insurance since everyone would be in the flood plain.
Six months arrived and still no ark. As the sky began to let loose with torrents of rain, the Lord looked down and saw Noah in his yard weeping and carrying bundles of files. “Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is my ark?” “Lord, please forgive me” begged Noah, “I did my best but there are too many regulations.”
The Lord said, “I completely understand.” And ordered the rain to stop at one half inch.
Justin Szalwinski, Sr.