We would like to extend our congratulations to the Cowardly Lion! After weeks of deliberation, the RNC has finally decided on the official mascot of the upcoming RNC convention. “It was a close race, but the Lion came out on top” said an RNC official. It apparently was a neck-and-neck between the Lion, Casper the Ghost and Cooter (from Dukes of Hazard fame).
“It was very difficult to choose between the final three. Casper, well he has the white thing going on and Cooter taps that ‘southern intellect’ which is so key. However, we feel the Cowardly Lion captures the spirit of our current campaign the best. Much like the Lion, we are scared and we will say or do anything to avoid danger.”
He will perform his trademark song from the Wizard of Oz.
If I were king of the fore-e-e-est
Not queen, not duke, not prince
My regal robes of the fore-e-e-est
Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz
I’d command each thing, whether fish or fowl
With a r-r-ruff and a r-r-ruff, and a royal growl – R-R-Ruff!
As I click my heels
All the trees would kneel
And the mountains bow
And the bulls kowtow
And the sparrow would take wing
If I, if I were ki-i-i-i-ng!
The rabbits would show respect to me
The chipmunks genuflect to me
Though my tail would lash
I would show compash
For every underling
If I, if I were king
When asked, the RNC official we spoke with did confirm that he will not enter the stage with his more controversial tagline -I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do, I do!”
Casper Takes to Twitter
Apparently not everyone is taking the news well. It is reported that Casper took to twitter late yesterday with a string of angry tweets. He lashed out the RNC calling them ‘liars’ and ‘choir of corporate puppets’. His account has since been deleted.